FOR JAMES SIMON
Dear Mr.Simon,
I appreciate your comment on my blog as I am interested in hearing from all parties!
Unless I can find AMERICAN INDIAN MAFIA for a penny on Amazon it will be quite awhile before I have another book and music buying spree! My job has cut back on hours.
I must warn you that any government agency would be facing an uphill battle when it comes to credibility with me.
Isn’t the FBI part of the same government who thought it would be a good idea to sterilize Indian women??
Isn’t the FBI part of the same government who has systematically cheated Indians out of their royalties. (See my post on my Uncle Vic who worked for the GAO)
Is this the same FBI run by Herbert Hoover who was responsible for a rain of terror against “communists”?
Is this the same FBI who was using deceitful tactics to break up AIM?
I do not doubt that there were some bad characters in AIM. As I said previously I would not be surprised if someone involved with AIM killed Anna Mae Aquash.
The FBI used tactics that that would ensure paranoia and division among AIM leaders. The FBI was successful. They got what they wanted…members turning on one another.
Do I think that any of this absolves the FBI of guilt?
NO!
The problem with corruption and lying is that you lose trust. The FBI is no longer a credible organization as far as I am concerned. All one needs to do is look at history and ask themselves what has changed.
I have very high expectations of our government officials. I do not tolerate corrupt people or people who support corruption. I think that they are cowards.
So far my opinion of the men involved in Anna Mae Aquash’s life has not changed. They all failed her .
One more thing after all these years did new evidence suddenly come to light….Why is the FBI suddenly so concerned with the Anna Mae Aquash case?? Shouldn’t they have been protecting us from Wall Street executives???
Dare I say that if the FBI put half the resources and energy of the Anna Mae Aquash murder into investigating hedgefunds…we would not be in a depression.
When the Government has confiscated the money stolen by corrupt CEO’S…
When the Government has prosecuted every corrupt CEO…
When the Government has jailed every corrupt CEO the way they would any other criminal. And not in club Fed…
Then and only then will I begin to trust them again.
Only then will I believe that they are working to protect the very Americans whose tax dollars are funding their organization.
As they say I was born on a Thursday but it wasn’t last Thursday!
What say ye?
MONICA CHARLES ASKED IS THERE RACISM AGAINST WHITES/ JEFF FOXWORTHY/ ALT.NATIVE
I have been thinking about this since she asked the question. A year ago I would have said of course! Then I was listening to Mark Thompson on Sirius Left.He was in a heated discussion with a white caller who was complaining that blacks were racist against whites. Mark Thompson kept repeating that there could not be racism towards white people because racism implies power and white people have the power. My brain was protesting along with the white caller..but…but….but….
I thought about that, argued in my head, twisted and turned it around and around. Mark Thompson went on to say that there are other words to describe how blacks feel towards whites…prejudice…hatred…
But not racism. Not in the United States anyway. Whites have the power in the United States. Yes we have elected a president who is half black and I am very proud enough people in the United States are coming over their racist feelings. What a way to say fuck you to those Europeans who claim to be appalled at the racism that still exists in the U.S. Do you see them electing a person named Barack Hussein Obama???? HELL NO!! Could you picture the Queen of England with a black Prime Minister??? HELL NO!! France??? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!! Germany???
Sorry I got off track.
Being raised white I had the luxury of growing up never doubting my superiority over every other race.
I doubt that this statement is any surprise or a shock to Blacks…Indians…Mexican etc…
That statement will outrage only whites.
Because….
it is true!
Consider that this statement is not to be confused with being raised to show compassion and good manners.
What isn’t easy for white people to do is look at the inherent polite racism that occupies every cell of our body. This is not easy to do because it is how we look at the world. From the time we were born what we are taught by our parents, our teachers, preachers….the media.
I would never intentionally be rude to someone standing in front of me. I would not withhold friendship,food, shelter or clothing based on someones race.
How to recognize racism….Ala Jeff Foxworthy
If you say to yourself why can’t those Blacks/Indians/Mexicans pull them selves up by their boot straps….
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you emphasize the word Gracias to a Hispanic in an attempt to show them that you are NOT RACIST…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you think that white people were justified in the slaughter, of American Indians because they were killing each other anyway…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you wonder why Indians can’t get over the Trail of Tears and just be nice to white people…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you have the nerve to ask why Indians don’t just go back to living off the land……
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you think that African Americans should feel lucky that we brought over their ancestors on slave ships…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you think that Indians and African Americans should be grateful for our constitution…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you think that Indians and African Americans should be grateful for all of the wars we have fought so they could have freedom of speech(btw Indians have the highest rate of military service per capita)…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you can only read books about Indians written by whites….
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you think that slavery was acceptable because blacks sold their own people…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you believe Indians live off of our tax dollars…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you think of black people when you see a watermelon….
YOU ARE A RACIST!
If you think the Redskins is a good name for a football team…
YOU ARE A RACIST!
Maybe the fine readers of my blog can think of a few more.
Monica Charles has posed some very interesting and challenging questions on alt.native and DAUGHTER TSE WHIT ZEN. This post has been mulling around in my head for a few days….I intended to answer a question of what the hell white people are thinking when they desecrate burial grounds that she wrote on her blog (that’s not quite how she put it). It will have to wait because this has been on my mind a lot.
As I reported earlier there is an ongoing battle at alt.native over who is racist. Of course since there are relatively few commenters it is hard to figure out if it is Monica Charles versus the other 360 subscribers. Or Monica Charles versus 2 or 3 people.
When I read comments about my posts they were positive but certain people were projecting their problems with Monica onto me. I replied in what I felt was the most non-offensive way possible and those people did not seem to get what I was saying and continued to project their issues with Monica on me. It was almost because I like Monica they couldn’t wait until Monica “turned” on me. At that time I did a much closer look at alt.native to see if I was missing something in my three week relationship with Monica…I always consider that I might be wrong…..there was nothing. Except when I wrote about this once again with as much non-offensive language I could muster, people became very upset. I was even called Monica’s shill (a carnival operator who pretends to buy or bet). I can’t remember when the last time I was a guest in someones house that I have been treated with such bad manners and contempt. I can assure you no one from alt.native or anywhere else would would have EVER been treated with such little respect on my blog. It seems that you are only welcome at alt.native if you do not like Monica Charles. You will be attacked if you do not join the I hate Monica Charles bandwagon. Actually I didn’t even join that is how guests are treated…imagine if I joined!!!
I was writing about MY experiences since I became aware of alt.native. And as I stated NO ONE on alt.native needs to worry about my relationship with Monica Charles is NOT GOD. I stand by my opinions and would be proud to call her my friend.
Some people have imposed their IMAGINATION on what I write about. What I choose to write about is decided by ME and ME ALONE. End of story.
But lets get to the racist issues on alt.native.
I cringe when I read the comments by Monica and the others who engage in the same activities. AND OTHERS ARE ENGAGING IN RACIST ACTIVITY.
Why am I able to cut Monica more of a break?? Because what little I do know of Indian affairs leads me to believe that whites have a lot of accounting for.
Consider that Monica is at the very least in her late 50′s. She is an Indian woman. I remember a story relayed by a black woman lamenting that even black men would choose to be anything other than a black woman. Rest assured that the only thing in this country “lower” to white Americans than a black woman by my deduction is an Indian woman. When a white person befriends an Indian it is usually with some fantasy image that whites have about Indians. Has Sherman Alexie has ever written a book that didn’t touch on this subject? Except for his latest novels for youth?
According to Monica’s website 3 of every 4 Indian women are sexually abused during their life.
White people slaughtered probably close to a million Indians.
White people broke almost every treaty.
White people still in 2009 do not honor their treaties or their mineral rights contracts which sit rotting in a warehouse.
Between the years 1970 and 1977 between 192,000 and 548,000 Indian women were ILLEGALLY sterilized EACH year. Was there any 200 million dollar class action suites over that?
White people forced Indian people to live on reservations.
White people forced Indian children to go to boarding schools.
Monica laments the disruption of Indian burial grounds.
Never mind her involvement with AIM!!!
Never mind the FBI’s policy towards Indians.
Is that enough for people to consider.
Yes I think that she is pissed off, angry, hurt. White people have a lot to account for!!
I cannot imagine what Monica is going through or has gone through as an Indian woman. I guarantee I have had a much easier life. But there was a very bad period when a bunch of childhood crap surfaced and my sister described me as a walking scab that was unable to heal…but years of shrinks later I’m fine for the most part.
And Monica doesn’t act like a victim…maybe if she did people would cut her more slack
Remember that part in the bible about sins of the father being revisited on the sons for seven generation.
THAT’S US FOLKS. SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF THE GREAT WHITE FATHER!!!
Apparently none of them have ever met a Jewish person, angry about the NAZI holocaust my guess is that if Monica was the wounded Jewish man that survived the holocaust lashing out at Germans (or American students in my case). You would be a little more understanding. Is Monica able to confront the exact white person responsible for the atrocities in her life??? No!
We are all horrified when the Vatican ignores the victims of sexual abuse by priests. Those people too need to be heard to vent to rant…it is all a part of the healing process. A big part. Anyone who thinks that Monica is the only Indian woman pissed off at white people…hurry up I have some stars for sale!
White people will bear the brunt of the healing process in the healing of all peoples we have harmed. Did I personally commit an atrocity towards an Indian. No, but I am well aware that I will suffer the consequences of my parents actions…every vote they cast against the Indians, children, healthcare, workers, minorities, the environment. As all generations from here on out will suffer.
What astounds me is the power Monica has of over 300 people on alt.net. The people who complain about her the most engage in EXACTLY the same behavior they pretend to condemn.
Monica drove over 300 people away from alt.native. These people could not recognize the signs of someone in obvious distress and pain? They couldn’t just…ignore her anger for white people and carry on??? Recognize the good service she does at alt.native??? They would slit your wrists if they met my ex sister in law she makes Monica look like Mother Theresa. Still I have never said an unkind word towards her and still send her Christmas cards.
No it doesn’t make me a better person than she is. She has her own tragic reasons for being who she is. We all take different paths at different times.
Finally they are choosing to rebuild alt.native because that awful Monica ruined everything. Twisted their arms.
What Monica actually gave them was a mirror and they saw themselves….
Blame her now because they didn’t like what they saw!
One of the exceptions is a man called Jumpybird (not sure what that is) who seems to be very thoughtful he made a comment that no one wants to talk to him..probably because he seems to stay away from drama, and he never talks bad about anyone.
Monica provides a wonderful service to those of us who are interested in learning about a segment of the population who we seem to disregard. I would never be able to sort through the news to find the articles she posts. My book marks have jumped from about 45 to 100!!
Her dedication towards her slain friend Anna Mae Aquash is…I can’t think of a fitting word. How many of us could say that we have someone in our lives who would be willing to fight so long and so hard for us?
Monica deserves all of my admiration and respect regardless if she “turns” on me after reading this. I am in awe of her she reminds me of the Godess Kali in all of her rage and glory. I am a much better person after knowing her for only a month. She is one of those people for whom I will always have gratitude for.
JOHNNY CASH
I love Johnny Cash and grew up listening to him. One of my few regrets in life is that I never saw him in concert…yeah don’t remind me that I actually paid to see LA Guns…I am so ashamed!
This is now one of my favorite songs. I used to love Soundgarden and saw them in concert too!
Johnny Cash took this song and made it his own. It is way better than Soundgarden’s version but with all due respect they wrote it and without them we would not be able to listen to this
S.T.F.U. MY GRANDMOTHER IN MODERN LANGUAGE
I hated my Grandmother when I was growing up. Oh I would get excited when she would come and stay with us. Growing up isolated on a goat farm…the Hitler Regime would have been a welcome distraction…for a time.
My Grandmother holding me when I was a newborn.
Pictures are so deceiving! Although I am sure she was happy to see me as a baby my Grandmother did not like children. However, her tolerance was greater for girls than it was for boys.
I swear my Grandmother would fly the 3,000 miles from Massachusetts to Oregon for the sole purpose of telling me not to chew on my fingernails. A bad habit I formed at the age of 4 or 5 due to the stress of moving from California to Oregon.
Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, That was my Grandmother. She was negative…toxic..bitter.
But my Mother is Portuguese and was raised in the Portuguese environment which emphasized the traditions from the “Old Country”.
Rule number one is you NEVER disrespect your elders.
NEVER!
NEVER!
NEVER!
My Grandmother could tell me dill pickles grew on walnut trees on the moon and you didn’t argue. EVER!
Of course I would try to argue…
S.T.F.U.P(shut the fuck up) I was told
But….
S.T.F.U.
It’s not FAIR…
S.T.F.U.
My Grandmother with her only child my Mother
If you could occasionally argue with my Mother when it came to my Grandmother….
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW UNFAIR THIS IS!!!!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!
Then I made the fatal error of telling my Grandmother to….
shut up…
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!
I was grounded for weeks.
I lived these lessons it is how I was raised but I never understood or appreciated them until last night when I woke up at 3:00am…and knew that I had to write about it because the voice inside of me wouldn’t let me sleep again until I swore I would remember to write about it.
My Grandmother and Grandfather's wedding day
When my Mother was a teenager her parents got a divorce….I cannot express how devastating to Roman Catholic Portuguese this is. It fueled a Holy War between the families who apparently were not overly fond of each other to begin with. I would love to hear a version of this history from an unbiased observer. The stories change and differ….who knows what the real story was.
My Grandfather would come and visit us too and I adored him he was everything my Grandmother was not. Fun. Loving. Always positive!
My Grandfather gave us a gift….he never once criticized my Grandmother. He never once said an unkind word towards her. Ever. He always sang her highest praises and always talked about what a wonderful woman she was. She was the finest woman he had EVER met. ALWAYS!!
My Grandmother was the opposite she hated him and never missed an opportunity to disparage him. He was a no good drunk. He deserted her. He beat her. Over and over and over. If I have heard it once I have heard it a million times.
My Mother denies that her Dad ever beat her Mom. But I’m not sure… he was a very bad alcoholic. The kind who could never stop. The kind who you would see lying in the street.
My Grandfather never drank when he came to see us. He would binge before and after but cared so much about his Grandchildren that he practiced extraordinary control in front of us.
My Grandfather pretending to be a cowboy
He eventually died due to alcohol related diseases.
My Grandmother died a little over 3 years ago at the age of 92.
I loved my Grandmother after she got Alzheimer’s she developed a sense of humor and was sweet although she still detested young boys.
There were things I loved about my Grandmother growing up.
When she told stories she had a voice that was hypnotic, and would put you in such a state of…I can’t think of a word for the feeling but you never wanted it to end. I would ask the dumbest questions just so she would keep talking.
She also used to make us Portuguese kale soup and Malasadas (Portuguese donuts).
My Grandmother was so powerful that she could even cook fish in our house. My Mother hated the smell of fish. How can a real Portuguese hate fish?? My Dad was not allowed to so much as open a can of sardines in the house. But my Grandmother would buy cans of tuna fish and make us tuna fish with white sauce and serve it over toast….you NEVER heard a peep out of my Mother. EVER!!!!
My Grandmother at the age of 91
My Grandmother was incredible and was still walking at 91 with out assistance of either a cane or a walker. And her legs had all sorts of problems…she had ulcers and her ankles and legs were permanently swollen from standing on her feet in the mills all of her life. She was independent and supported herself for most of her life. Even as a young woman she worked in the mills and handed over her paycheck to her parents.
I moved in with my Mother for a year and helped her to take care of Grandma. I will forever cherish the times I spent with my Grandmother during that year.
43 years it has taken me to understand WHY you should respect your elders. I don’t think that my Mother understood… she was just following tradition and probably could have lessened the negative impact it had on my life if she had ever bothered to question it.
But my Grandfather knew.
My Dad knew.
Finally I know.
My Grandmother and Grandfather on my Mother’s side are Portuguese from the islands belonging to Portugual called the Azores. Portuguese moved to Fall River, Massachusetts because of the manufactoring jobs and in 1915 75% of Portuguese in Massachusettes worked in manufactoring, mostly cotton.
My Grandmother made
I GOT MY NEW STEVE EARLE
I have been listening to Steve Earle on Sirius Radio for awhile now but you know how radio is they play one song you like and two you don’t so I thought I needed to hear one of his albums in its’s entirety. I think that TRAIN A COMIN’ was on sale and that is why I picked it….and it had good ratings. Which it deserves!
COVER ART FROM TRAIN A COMIN'
The whole album is good and I wish I could have found MYSTERY TRAIN PART II but here is MERCENARY SONG instead.
LEANNE HOWE EVIDENCE OF RED
This book of poems and prose by Leanne Howe is one of the reasons you should unplug your television.
COVER OF THE BOOK EVIDENCE OF RED
I bought this book of poetry just because I read the first line in the book:
When we leave our body,
the sound is so potent
it cracks open the stars
and our momentum ricochets around.
I got all excited at the cellular level and felt that I could not live another moment without purchasing this book from Amazon…and it wasn’t used!
Here is an excerpt out of a play in prose called THE UNKNOWN WOMAN:
See the suspended animation behind his eyes as he sends in the
cows to gorge on my flesh and blood. It seems everything comes
down to my eradication. No, not eradication, my use as a shape
changer, what an erotic disaster I have become.
I am dragged against my will through a million fields of those who
purposely deform my body. Blind. Deaf. Friendless. Sometimes I am
tortured with acids that swell my body beyond grace. Eventually,
the son of God sends Agronomists disguised as Angels to study me.
They take field trips and write exhaustive notes about their
experiences with corn. I am no longer beautiful, nor represented
as food for thought.
I am corn whiskey
Mother’s milk to the addicted.
Because of me,
my first children
are wizened at my breasts.
Suckled to death.
And this is an excerpt from THE RED WARS.
We talk.
Jim-Jack says he doesn’t relate to most Indians.
He says he’s never asked the government for one thing.
He says he’s a self-made man.
I say Indians don’t get welfare because they’re Indians.
He says most Indians get Indians money. I say they don’t.
He says his grandparents do. He tells me they live on the dirt around
the Arkansas River Dam, and that his people want the government
to buy, not only the dirt, but also the rocks off the top of the ground.
Jim-Jack says this embarrasses him.
He says his people are trying to gyp the government.
BM giggles and offers to buy me another drink
I say make it a double.
BM orders dirty gin Martinis.
We drink.
Jim-Jack Placates me.
He says he’s for supporting American Indian Museums.
He wants us to remember our past.
We argue.
Jim-Jack says he wants Indians off the government tit.
He says Indians can be proud again,
if they learn to survive without government assistance.
We order more drinks.
I offer to buy his dirty gin.
I get loud.
I want to fistfight with Jim-Jack.
I start the uproar by asking him if he’s related to BIA boss Ross
Swimmer?
I ask Jim-Jack if he’s a Regan man?
He answers no to both questions and doesn’t understand I’m about
to smack him in the face with my martini glass.
Rage, rage, rage.
Indians are not a corporation.
Rage, rage, rage.
Indians will not die so we can be well thought of. So we can become
part of a traveling museum exhibit at Southern Methodist
University.
Rage, rage, rage.
I will castrate this man,
this cultural eunuch with my hands,
with my head, with my body.
I will emasculate him in the name of Red Rights.
In the name of Red Earth.
In the name of my grandmother who is no longer living.
This woman is unbelievable.
I am not a person that is guilty of envy or coveting.
When I read the words written by Leanne Howe I must refute the previous statement.
ALT.NATIVE AND MONICA CHARLES
For those of you who are wondering about the content of some of my posts you need to go to Alt.Native especially if I mention Monica Charles.
Google Alt.Native has a description that says PEOPLE INDIGENOUS TO AN AREA BEFORE MODERN COLINISATION(yes it is misspelled on alt.native). I do not post anything there BECAUSE I AM NOT AN INDIAN…and I have my own blog but I am flattered that some of my posts are discussed over there. This is because Monica Charles posts my blog there on occasion.
Certain people seem to be concerned about my well being that Monica Charles is using me and that somehow I will be mortally wounded. I have written two post refuting this…..but apparently I am speaking in a foreign tongue.
I did hear these peoples concerns but they did not ring true to my experiences with Monica. She has never tried to influence me and has shown me nothing but extraordinary patience and kindness….even today I had to apologize to her for an e-mail I had sent days ago. My arrogance knows no boundaries!!! She actually did what I have seen many of my Hispanic and Muslim friends do….nothing!! Which to me is more embarrassing than correcting me at the time. Hispanics actually consider me to be Hispanic but they all recognize the self-centeredness that is pervasive to one raised in a white environment! What strikes me is the ability of such people to ignore my faults!!! They are many….But I swear if someone brings one of my many flaws to my attention I seriously consider it…it might take me a few days.
But something doesn’t seem right on Alt.Native and because people think my experience with Monica Charles is wrong I decided to do a closer look at Alt.native. and this is what I have found.
I went back to the page when Monica Charles first posted my blog on Alt.Native.
There have been 190 posts up for discussion.
Monica has submitted 95 of these posts for discussion. 92 of these posts have been from another source and are concerned with issues that are or should be of interest to the indigenous population. The other 3 were personal and in a response to an arguement on a previous post. I think I forgot to count the post which concerned the announcement that she has started Alt.Colinization…that was the funniest thing I had heard all week..I have been sick for so long I was in fear of losing my good sense of humor and that had me rolling on my floor!!!!
Rikijo had 15 posts.
Bluturtle 11
Red Cloud 32 (we all need to keep him in our prayers)
Flint Carr 4
Hope 2
Melodius Thunk 2
Way Back Jack 4
Wild four 2
Sound wea 1
Running w 1
Chatnoir 4
Johnny B Jesus 1
Old Wife Tale 1
Buffalo Messengers 1
Dr. J. Maraj 1
Wayne George 1
Frog Britches 1
Skeptic1 3
Johnny America 1
Grimus 2
O’Brien 2
JumpyBird 2
All I can see is that Monica has a passion for getting the truth out about Indian affairs. She has put up multitudes of good informative posts day after day….from Indian school abuse, environment, Anna Mae Aquash’s murder, religion…it goes on and on..it overwhelms me.
Then I randomly selected posts by others to see if Monica responded on them and in just about every case her comments were respectful. The few instances were those posts that were inflamatory. As for her accusers??? I’m sorry but the majority of times they are in a discussion on Alt.Native it isn’t to further Native American causes but to engage in inflammatory discussions.
I have to base my findings on my experiences and on the facts I see in front of me. And what I see is that Monica Charles works tirelessly. And probably for no pay. Much of the population works on the computer. It is the preferred method for communication these days.
As for white people posting on Alt.Native has there ever been a vote?? I just wouldn’t do it personally because it may be unwelcome….rude…inconsiderate….kind of like posting one of my whiskey reviews on an AA site. I don’t know the history of Alt.Native but if I was so inclined to post Iwould start with a request to post….asking permission first.
Having said that I do think that there is a place and a need for dialogue between Indians and…the rest of America.
JUST IN CASE UNCLE GEORGE WANTS TO SEE SOME PICTURES OF MY SISTER!!!
Here they are!!!!
JUANITA, MOM, AND ME
I worshiped my sister and couldn’t wait for her to grow out of her clothes so they would be mine!! I thought that EVERYTHING she wore was cool and grownup!
MY BROTHER, SISTER AND ME
The black and white makes it look like we were raised during the depression instead of Deliverance Burnt Woods not far from Eddyhell!
MY SISTER ON A HORSE...STORMY???
The hat she is wearing is a replica of the hat Rudy wore in the cartoon FAT ALBERT….I think that she made it as a Home Ec. project in high school.
GARDENS IN THE DUNES II
I am still reading GARDENS IN THE DUNES as I have a habit of falling asleep while I am reading.
On my last post about this book I was relaying a conversation I had with my brother about the difference between white and Indian writers as it pertained to the land. I couldn’t find a way to explain what it meant to me personally. But since I like to torture myself….I have been contemplating it since.
I don’t think that ALL Indian writers portray what I’m talking about I love Sherman Alexie but I think that has to do with his sense of humor….and the subject matter is so close to experiences of my own (except for the being an Indian part!!!). His imagery in SUMMER OF THE BLACK WIDOWS was incredible…but I don’t sense that he has the feel about land the way Momaday or Silko has.
Someone on Alt.native made a comment if I am remembering correctly about growing up outside and choosing to stay in a tent for a summer. I was stunned that anything I had to say would cause a discussion around someone elses dinner table.
I thought about that too…but I grew up on a goat farm my parents owned 40 acres of mostly timber. There were all sorts of wild flowers, Iris, Tigerlilly, Queen Anne’s lace, Trillium….Oregon has so many wild flowers fields of daisies covered with “spit bugs”. We weren’t supposed to put the Fox Glove in our mouths but I always would…just to get the sweet nectar. We picked berries and nuts. I knew how to make a Black Berry Roly Poly by the time I was in 4th grade.
We lived outdoors for the most part and my Dad would set up this giant family size canvas tent for the summers and we would often stay out there.
But it wasn’t until about 10 years ago when I was driving through the Utah desert that I woke up….When I lived in Alaska I worked at a lodge near Mt. McKinley and I thought it was beautiful but….it didn’t move me of course I was pretty fucked up at the time….but that’s another story.
Now nature staggers me….the sight of a tree can bring me to tears. I finally had an epiphany while going through pictures on my computer. I have been sick and today I stayed home and did stuff that needs to be done like deleting pictures and trying to figure out why my computer is getting slow and freezing up….I need more memory.
Waterfall near Mt. Shasta
Nature staggers me and I think that the difference is that I now understand that it is alive….not so much a convenience. I understand the concept about everything being connected on an intellectual level it is common sense.
OREGON COAST
OREGON COAST
I don’t know if I feel that interconnectedness. For me it is almost as if they are made of the same stuff as humans. Nature is no longer an indentured servant that bends to my will. It is my equal. Maybe even above me as it seems to have such a healing psychological effect on me.
Mt. SHASTA
A BEAUTIFUL MONUMENT
The mountains and trees now all have different personalities but I’m not sure that is quite the word I am looking for.
THE FOREST FLOOR IN THE REDWOODS
FERNS IN THE REDWOODS
I had a thought that when I saw this place that we should force President Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld to stay here until they stopped wanting to torture people. You know stop the nagging and criticizing of them because it wasn’t working……they weren’t listening… but maybe the trees and all those ferns could help them.
ROCK FORMATIONS ON THE WAY TO KLAMATH FALLS
WATERFALL IN THE SIERRAS
I like looking up at things that are so much greater than me because I think that maybe I am growing tired of always pretending I am God…I’m not very good at it.
TRAIL IN FOREST AT FOWLER CAMPGROUND
BROWN MOUNTAIN TRAIL(i think)
STAIRWAY IN THE REDWOODS
God has given me many paths to go down. But I was scared and under the guise of pretending to be God ….that I could do a better job I ignored him. Not that I have any serious regrets but….
CLOUDS BETWEEN BURNS AND BEND OREGON (The negative got scratched)
my arrogance is like this endless sky. It has no limits!!!
PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO
As humans we tend to want to WIN…..to be RIGHT. It is MY FIRST INSTINCT!!! What we need to be doing is listening and understanding each other. If only the victims of war were the people who start it and who willingly participate in it….PLEASE WATCH THIS….
GOD, ME, DAD, MONICA CHARLES, INDIANS AND WHITE PEOPLE
I don’t have faith in God I KNOW God is with me. However you care to define God he, she, it. Growing up with the Christian/Catholic element I usually refer to God as He but if I were to describe Him it would be in the metaphysical terms of the energy that makes up the universe.
I also have an equally strong will of my own. I hate for people to tell me what to do and I despise reading instructions. That is the real reason I haven’t learned how to use any of my cameras, cell phones, Sirus radio, computer…to their fullest capabilities. I learn enough to get what I need out of them and then impatience overwhelms me.
That I know God is the reason why I can tolerate being around people who hate Him. I joined the Church of Latter Day Saints years ago. Because I had to. I had no previous knowledge of the religion except that they had lots of wives and they annoyed me with their proselytizing. I was not always a nice person when Mormons knocked on my door. I think my sister was there one time when I told them that God wanted me to be saved but the only way I could do that was if they drank a shot of whiskey with me. Yeah I was pretty bad.
In general I am not a joiner of ANY thing. I resisted but it kept calling louder and louder and I still resisted. Every cell in my body said to I HAD to join the church. Night and day I was plagued. Then one day as I pulled into my driveway there they were two young missionaries waiting for me. They were very thirsty and I gave them water. I joined the church not knowing why I had to join but eventually the reasons came out and many positive things came out of it. My dear friend Edith and the ability to speak in public. A fear that me and my siblings have all had to overcome. Probably because our parents instilled on a daily basis that we were all stupid and our opinions and thoughts were denegrated, ripped apart, ridiculed to the point that we all lost our voices. We have all spent many years learning how to recover them.
I left the church but God stayed with me.
I didn’t grow up going to church but we said grace and prayers had bible stories around the house. Oodles of Catholic guilt foisted upon us. I learned to hate God and that guilt producing son of a bitch Jesus. I grew up in a community that could only be riveled by the movie DELIVERENCE. A bunch of religious wack jobs who fucked their daughters then blamed it on Satan….and their evil wantonness daughters. Generation after generation of disrespect for women.
What I find most amazing about Christians is how much they worship Satan. And most often they view Satan as being more powerful than God. Even the Mormons who actually named their religon after Jesus Christ believe Satan to be more powerful. Of course Satan was just invented to avoid taking responsibility for your actions…God gives you free will and you have to take responibility for what you choose in life. God is greater than the judgements that mankind has attributed to Him. But all decisions have natural consequences. Consequences NOT punishments. My knowledge of God does not include Satan. There is nothing in the universe but God. And still I continue to ignore Him even as I ask for His help!!!
Because of a woman named Monica Charles this blog has a twice the readers it would have. While I ultimately don’t care how many people visit my blog. It is exciting and flattering to see the numbers go up and up. I appreciate all of my readers. Some people have suggested that Monica Charles is a racist that is using me. I understand and appreciate those peoples concerns but my view is different. I see Monica Charles as a great warrior who after years and years probably since her childhood doesn’t know how to stop and be good to herself….simply because she is worthy of a rest. Her goals have fallen short as they have for all members of AIM…as they have for all Indians living on reservations…. in America. EVERY other ethnic group in the United States has a larger voice and presence in the United States. It is not a lack of effort or bravery it is an uphill battle with opponents at the top, sides and bottom…and most damaging…. opponents from within.
I hear Monica Charles laments of a people she knows nothing about. Mark Thompson from MAKE IT PLAIN would say that it is impossible for an Indian to be racist. Because RACISM IMPLIES POWER. If you are powerless you cannot possibly be racist. This is a new concept for me and at first I resisted it. Monica Charles is expressing hurt, bewilderment, anger and hatred for oppressors who have NEVER listened to her. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL AND NEEDS TO BE TAKEN ON A WHOLE.
I admire and envy Monica Charles for her inability/refusal to retreat!!! THATS A FUCKING WARRIOR!! Imagine what America would be if there had been a thousand of her when Europeans first… dare I say it??? DISCOVERED America! As a Euromutt and a human being I MUST say that if there had been a tribe of Monica’s I would not have been born!!! I cannot possibly share the same views as Indians when it comes to the land….because I was BORN here. I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE!!! My Dad did not raise me to be anything but American. If he had less than positive opinions towards Indians I’m not sure that they were lower than the French, and he was not overly impressed with the British either. When Princess Diana was marrying Price Charles I remember asking my Dad WHY IS THIS SUCH A BIG DEAL IN AMERICA. He replied BECAUSE MOST AMERICANS FORGOT WHO WON THE GOD DAMNED WAR! That still makes me laugh he had the driest sense of humor and the best one liners. One time we were at an awards banquet and they made the mistake of serving Thousand Island dressing with the salad. Well my Dad with already a few beers in him loudly proclaimed that THE THOUSAND ISLANDS BELONG TO THE CANADIANS AND THEY SHOULD KEEP THEIR GOD DAMNED SALAD DRESSING!! (He was a blue cheese lovin’ man!)
Indians and Whites do not understand each other. Of course there are exceptions but I am only dealing with the whole picture. To a certain extent we can never understand each other because we are not each other. Whites do not understand the big deal about having a team named the Redskins because we are not oppressed. We did not grow up EVERY SINGLE DAY being oppressed by the views of another race. Whites do not know that feeling as a whole so when an ethnic group makes up a new name like white bread or cracker they never have the same effect. Because when you are in power these things roll off. They have no real meaning because no one has power over a white American. (Of course the Chinese may change this if we are not careful.) This is not to be confused with white people not understanding the pain and hurt of being poor, ugly, fat, different, not wearing the right clothes while attending school. There is a reason why our children bring guns to school. We do not listen to them either.
I cannot answer all of Monica’s laments and cannot speak for all white people. But I hear her and can speak of what I know.
I am not under the illusion that there were magic Indians before we colonized. I’m not sure that women held an equal standing or that there was no child abuse in ANY of the over 500 tribes. But I have little doubt that what the government did was a trillion times worse than anything Indians had experienced. Nothing is fair in life…maybe in the future generations but not now and not in the past.
It will serve no purpose waiting for things to be fair. You will wait a long time and suffer a lifetime of disappointments. I know this from personal experience. I have not lowered my expectations or convictions of right and wrong they are much stronger now that I have given up any expectations of the whole becoming how I think it should be in an ideal world. I can only be responsible for my beliefs and actions.
My perception is that Indians do not understand the fundamentals of why things are the way they are. Why white people are the way they are. Like us they are struggling to survive the carnage we inflict. I think the horror stories I hear about reservations is just a mirror being held up to us and we are afraid to look. If we have murdered, abused, tortured, and otherwise denegrated Indians it is because that is how we treat each other. In a broad overview it is our self image we have lost everything and it hurts. There is a hole that we cannot fill and most of ous are afraid to look at that hole. We will do ANYTHING to avoid looking in that hole. There is no scarier place for a white person than the hole that we imagine to have been abandoned by God. We wander, pillage, build churches, eat, fuck, explore, drink, work, accumulate more and more and more and more. Work and work and work and work so we can buy more and more and more.
WE ARE ADDICTED TO FEEDING OURSELVES….
MORE AND MORE..
ONE ADDICTION IS REPLACED BY ANOTHER
SUGAR, CIGARETTES, BOOKS, SHOES, FOOD, CLOTHES.
WE WANT TO DEVOUR THE WORLD
CUT DOWN THE TREES
WE WANT THE STARS IN THE SKY
THE DIAMONDS IN THE EARTH
THE BIGGEST HOUSE
THE MOST CARS…
TV, MAGAZINES, NEWSPAPERS,INTERNET
POLITICS
MORE MORE MORE
GOSSIP
PERFUME, PLASTIC SURGERY
OBESITY, STARVATION
IT IS ALL THE SAME.
WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE ALONE WITH OURSELVES.
IF WE ARE THE HOLE WILL CONSUME US
IF WE LOOK AT INDIANS
WITHOUT
FOG, DREAMCATCHERS, PAINT AND FEATHERS
WE MAY
CATCH A GLIMPSE
OF WHO WE ARE.
AND WHAT WE HAVE DONE.
It is worse for men our gunslingers are now economists and financial advisers…their horses are desks and their six shooters are computer keyboards the open range is reduced to taking their wives to St.Croix once a year. There are a very few who have honesty and integrity the majority continue the tradition of robbing and pillaging. Notice how many are so afraid of the black hole that their identity was replaced by $$$$$$. The collapse has taken their $$$$ and no longer can they imagine their life is worth living. ALL they ever were was the $$$$$ they made.
THEY ARE CHOOSING TO OVER RIDE THE MOST BASIC HUMAN INSTINCT….SURVIVAL….LIFE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO WORTH. NONE…WITHOUT THEIR ACCUMULATION OF MONEY AND NOW THEY ARE KILLING THEM SELVES.
That is fucked up. That is who we allow to run our country. That is who we allow to make our laws (most of which are to our detriment). THAT IS WHO WE ALLOW TO DIVIDE US. THAT IS WHO WE FEAR.
We are afraid of people, we make god,s more powerful than the true God that resides within us of people who are so weak, afraid and powerless that they kill them selves at the slightest test of the castle they have surrounded themselves with.
I have a lot more to tell Monica Charles and I hope she hears me as I hear her. For those of you who are concerned with my well being I do not get my self worth from Monica Charles..and I do not mean that as an insult or slight. Literally I get that from God. I have been looking at that big black hole for a few years and while it is still dark and quite large occasionally a light shines and and that light is the ONLY thing I give a damn about when it comes to my self-steem, self-worth, and self-love. Monica Charles is not my God….which I hope will be a relief to her…those would be mighty big shoes to fill and a burden if you ask me. I have had people put me on THAT pedestal before and I failed them miserably. I just like her for herself.
WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO EAT THIS?????……..
Chocolate bar
BUCKAROO BAR
No matter that I am sick with fever,been through a box of kleenex most of which litter the floor around my bed, have to stuff kleenex up my nose so the snot won’t drip on my keyboard…..my mind is still in the gutter!!!
MY UNCLE VIC, THE GAO AND THE BUREAU OF INDIAN AFFAIRS
I don’t know the Portuguese side of my family very well because I grew up in Oregon and most of my Portuguese relatives live in Fall River, Massachusetts. Except for a short period of time when Iwas a wee little one I didn’t go to Fall River until I was probably 23 or 24 when my grandfather died.
I was raised to have good manners and to be polite, respect my elders…but going to Fall River was a whole new set of rules….don’t say this….don’t say that…don’t bring this up…and for some reason I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that I shared an apartment with two other black girls. I don’t function well under rules and regulations.
I am closest to my Uncle Vic because he worked in Washington DC and I lived in Northern Virginia. So every once in awhile I would see him. He worked for the General Accounting Office (GAO) and has quite a resume. If I remember correctly he reads a couple thousand words a minute versus my couple of hundred..LOW END OF THE COUPLE OF HUNDRED. He wrote tons of reports and testified before congress …was on 60 MINUTES….but I don’t know that much because while he was driving into DC to audit our government I was driving into DC to hit the clubs and see bands like Nirvana, Faith No More, Soundgarden and I hate to admit it but I saw LA Guns!!
I vaguely remember being at Uncle Vic’s house and I guess he was overseeing the Department of Energy at the time because he said he was at AREA 51 and that the GOVERNMENT WAS NOT HIDING ANY UFO’S THERE. To which I replied that it was ok because I understood that he couldn’t TALK about the UFO’S because the government was watching him! Then I was busy having nervous breakdowns,seeing shrinks for a few years and didn’t keep in touch with him.
A decade later when I moved to Oregon, we got in touch and e-mail each other pictures. We both love looking at photographs. His pictures are more exciting because he travels the world and sends pictures of penguins in Antarctica…the Vatican…the Coliseum of Rome…can’t wait to see what is next.
When I started my blog I didn’t tell him for a few weeks because I have a hard time getting past the fact that HE IS RELATED TO MY MOTHER.She does not have computer access….yet!…I may not live past the day she sees this blog as I have what she would call a FILTHY MOUTH!!! My mother is so Portuguese Catholic that when I was like 25 or 26 she found out I had a FULL SIZE BED. And was horrified….WHAT DID I NEED A FULL SIZE BED FOR????? So I got pissed off and having a smart ass mouth I replied A GIRLS GOT TO MAKE A LIVING SOMEHOW…CLICK…she hung up on me and didn’t call back for a few months.
So anyway my SANE Uncle Vic looks at my blog and says he doesn’t care about my language and that he often uses much worse…He also said:
The Indian issues right on target. While working at GAO, I was responsible for auditing the BIA and got very familiar with Indian issues. I also spent some time at some of the tribes in ND and SD–it is truly the end of the trail of tears.
I was shocked because I thought he would be like everyone else and hate hearing about the Indian stuff…so I e-mailed him back….
Wow!
and I thought they just had you debunking my UFO’s!!!!!
I also asked if he knew of links to reliable sources about the government not paying for contracts on mineral rights from Indian lands.
He wrote back..
Here are a few that relate to the rip off of their royalties. If the government were a private company with the same responsibilities for managing someone’s royalties, they would be jailed.
Here are some of the links he sent me.
MAJOR MANAGEMENT CHALLENGES AND PROGRAM RISKS: DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR
There is a contents on the side bar and you have to enlarge the document but the stuff pertaining to Indian mineral rights starts on page 14.
Here is one concerning health care
INDIAN HEALTH SERVICE: HEALTH CARE SERVICES ARE NOT ALWAYS AVAILABLE TO NATIVE AMERICANS
Here are two reports that he wrote:
INDIAN ISSUES: BIA’S DISTRIBUTION OF TRIBAL PRIORITY ALLOCATIONS
OBSERVATIONS ON THE DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR’S PERFORMANCE PLAN FOR FISCAL YEAR 2,000
On the second document you have to scroll down to page 13 to read his assessment of the BIA’S accounting abilities.
I still think that government needs more pictures in their documents….they seem so sterile….if all you do is sit and read this stuff year after year it would become mind numbing no wonder those politicians are so disconnected from reality.
My other thought is that the United States is filled with such smart people like my Uncle Vic who can cut through all of the bullshit assess a situation based on facts…isn’t corrupt…doesn’t take bribes… and who do we elect to run our government???? We have it all upside down and backwards.
I’m so proud of him!!!!
PUTTING MONICA CHARLES ON THE SPOT….AN INVITATION
I have been brave and have viewed Google alt.native a few times….First of all I would like to thank the members of that group and of course ALL of my readers for viewing my blog. ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST is a work in progress and yesterday I received a book on how to use WordPress to make the blog even better. I am grateful for all of the traffic but truthfully I would be writing everyday I was able to if I was the only one viewing it.
My mother was visiting over the holidays and every morning I used to write diatribes, prayers and other nonsense to God in an attempt to keep things moving along in my head. Well when my mother was here she would literally stand in back of me and read what I was writing….so I sort of toned it down….then I just stopped writing because it was annoying. After she left I thought I would start writing every morning again but I couldn’t get back into it. Then one morning I woke up with the thought start a blog. And I did. It took me about 3 hours to set it up and write my first post. While I had been meaning to put up a website for my artwork that had a secondary blog like all artists do this has taken off..probably because I CAN’T SHUT UP! There have been moments when I worried that I had nothing to say…like that would ever last for any length of time!
My first opinion of alt.native is that I’m not an Indian and I have no idea what the hell everyone is arguing about and that I should RUN LIKE HELL.
Monica Charles has only influenced me to write about Indian issues in a positive way. She does not speak for me nor I for her. She along with Peter Webster and Mark McKinney gave me suggestions or hints that there was another side to the whole Anna Mae Aquash story.
I do not believe that Monica was taking credit for having “awakened” me when she posted GARDENS IN THE DUNES.
The fact is I “discovered” Indian writers through a Sherman Alexie book I bought for one of my nephews.
My ALL ABOUT ME!!! page describes how I started awakening to the land about 10 years ago.
When Monica e-mailed me information she specifically added that I should do nothing for her, or because of her and that I should in no way be influenced by her opinions. I e-mailed her back that she had no worries as I do not lack in my own opinions and that the only person I felt obligated to was my mother! She also apologized if I was offended by alt.native…I wasn’t…I just feel it needs a moderator as I am the moderator of my blog.
She has certainly been tolerant and patient with my pestering!! I have even stated that the Anna Mae Aquash mystery is a mess….and that I will not express comments on the case for awhile. And I have posted views on both sides! She has at no time become upset with me. But then again maybe if I had posted that I thought she was full of shit and that I know the FBI and the U.S. GOVERNMENT to be kind and loving with the American Indians best interests at heart…that the ONLY goal the FBI has where Anna Mae Aquash is concerned is the truth (once again have any of the FBI agents involved been subjected to lie detectors?)she may not be as kind. How do Jewish people feel when confronted with people who hold the opinion that the Jewish Holocaust never happened? How do African Americans feel when white people say they are lucky we brought them over on slave ships?
Where is the voice of the Indians??? I have SIRIUS RADIO and the only time I have heard an American Indian on it was when Mark Thompson of MAKE IT PLAIN had one on Columbus Day I think it was. Mark Thompson who is African American is even aware that there is much more racism against American Indians than there is African Americans.
I have seen the book AMERICAN INDIAN MAFIA (attempt at guilt by association…Mafia is strictly Italian.) and this is NOT rocket science… without AIM (and I am sure that AIM has made lots of mistakes as all movements do) the amount of white people aware of Indian affairs would be a whole lot less. And white people run this government and when it comes to Indians they have a less than stellar track record.
Monica Charles is probably one of the most interesting people I have never met. If I first imagined her to be a young woman I now imagine her to be a warrior who has given it her all….and seen little rewards. Maybe she has won some personal battles but the overall state of Indian issues has probably not seen much success. Mainstream America thinks that every tribe has a successful casino that doesn’t pay taxes plus those leeches LIVING OFF OF MY TAX DOLLARS (read the comments on that post and see how far Indians have come…I’m not Indian and it HURTS) There was a moment when AIM had a voice and it looked as though Indians would start making great strides towards being recognized as human beings. The United States all but silenced them as they silenced MLK. Yes, Indians have Sherman Alexie but if it weren’t for his sense of humor to soften the blow I don’t think that white people would be so enamored with him. I sort of doubt that mainstream America has even heard of Sherman Alexie.
Maybe I’m wrong but I think the whole Anna Mae Aquash thing means much more to Monica Charles than she is currently writing about. Putting her on the spot I think that it is way more personal to her than those who were not at Wounded Knee could possibly imagine. Monica must have known Anna Mae Aquash personally after all weren’t they holed up in some church? She couldn’t have been that old….surrounded by FBI agents…not knowing if you were going to live another day…I looked at her website DAUGHTER OF TSE WHIT ZEN but nothing she wrote about the whole affair was personal. She has another website THE DREAMERS JOURNEY it is haunting and beautiful..but I wondered why she had not written her life story….it would certainly be more interesting than MY life!
Like any great warrior she has been fighting for so long and hard I think she hasn’t been taking care of herself..has forgotten to rest and put herself first once in awhile. So comes the invitation to Monica Charles: I would love to hear about YOUR experiences you have a voice here and of course I would post anything you wrote for your own blog DAUGHER OF TSE WHIT ZEN. What was it like being at Wounded Knee? Hearing the bullets and bullhorns? What sort of encounters did you have with Anna Mae? Did the Indian women start to fight each other over men the way most white women would do? Was everyone united? I vaguely remember Russel Means writing about problems with women getting beaten up?? How does it FEEL to still be fighting for the truth of Anna Mae Aquash’s murder AFTER DECADES. Where do you find the strength to keep it up?? Indian or not, women in general have less of a voice than men are taken less seriously than men. Why do so many AIM men have autobiographies where is the voice of the Indian woman? Or am I overlooking it???
Sorry I am such a pest and please feel free to ignore me as I may be bringing up things that are unpleasant, unimportant or even just plain wrong.
BTW while I was writing this post the mailman brought LOUD HAWK and THE UNQUIET GRAVE….
TRAVELING,SEVERE COLD…GLAD TO BE HOME FOR THE NEXT 3 DAYS
I love seeing my relatives when they come to visit but this time my adorable nephew gave me his cold and bronchitis.But how can I be mad at him?
MY PLAGUE CARRYING NEPHEW
I have to throw in this picture so you can see his cute little plague carrying spurs.
MY NEPHEW'S BOOTS AND SPURS CLOSEUP.
He wants to be a Cowboy when he grows up and his favorite toys are his rope and his little horse.
So I started getting sick on Monday but had to drive to Lakeview, Oregon, stayed the night in Klamath Falls at the lovely DAYS INN. It really is nice because it used to be a RED LION. But a hotel is just not the same as sleeping in your own bed….
By the time I got home. I was too tired to do anything except shower and go to bed. The next morning I got up and thought that I would write a post before heading for the coast but delerious with fever I read a comment that someone had posted on my HAUNTED…PISSED OFF ABOUT THE WHOLE ANNIE MAE AQUASH THING. I wrote a response then as I was headed out the door I called my sister and asked her to read it because I was worried that I was too harsh. I was thinking that I may have to write an apology when I got back. She read it and said yes I was too mean. But then she changed her mind when it was understood that the game he/she was commenting on was about gang-raping women…she changed her tune and said I needed to be a lot meaner!!!
As I said I was delerious with fever when I posted the comment and last night when I looked at the blog before passing out I noticed that someone had come to my blog by looking up rape fantasies. So I am kind of sad that this person who has a whole world to explore….millions of options on this Earth is spending her/his (my sister thinks it was a guy but according to my brother who is taking a writing class you wouldn’t believe how many girls write stories about rape fantasies…) days fantasizing about being raped or raping women. I will write a post just on that later this weekend.
Tuesday I had to take off for Crescent City, California which is not far from the Oregon border.I thought the day would never end…and I just crashed into bed thinking I would wake up feeling better. I didn’t. But after drinking a few cups of God-awful hotel coffee I decided to spoil myself by going to the CONTINENTAL BAKERY before starting my work day.
THE CONTINENTAL BAKERY
I know this hole in the wall doesn’t look like much but this is simply the best bakery I have been to in years…..YEARS!!! I almost died and went to heaven the first time I went there. I have not been fond of donuts since working the graveyard shift at the FUCKIN DUNKIN DONUTS in Anchorage, Alaska over 25 years ago…. AND it was by the mental hospital so all night I had to give free refills of coffee to mental patients who would masturbate or display other lewd and obnoxious behavior!!! (Poor Lizzy is having a flashback!!)
So getting back to the CONTINENTAL BAKERY if you are ever in Crescent City never mind breakfast ANYWHERE ELSE. There are no tables so just grab what you want and head to the beach.
MAPLE BAR FROM CONTINENTAL BAKERY
This is not just any donut!!! this is baked fresh and is filled with real yes REAL Bavarian cream not that fake ass plastic vanilla pudding every other bakery uses. It probably wasn’t the best thing for my cold but I had been downing clementines for days! I also got a Mexican coffee I try a different flavor every time I go there. They do not skimp on their coffees like Starbucks does. They are flavorful! It was by far the best Mexican Coffeee I have EVER had! Most places produce a watered down version using less chocolate and cinnamon. sort of like calling TACO BELL mexican food. I also bought lunch for the drive back which was pasta salad.
PASTA SALAD FROM CONTINENTAL BAKERY
That is a bad photo….so let me tell you this pasta salad is sooooo good that they make DEAN AND DELUCA look like RESER’S pasta salad in a plastic tub at the grocery store. Even though I was getting sicker by the hour and my tastebuds were losing their effectiveness this was simply the BEST pasta salad I have ever had. It had almonds, slices of squash, asparagus and lots of garlic and spices. I am not a big fan of pasta salad and almost ordered a sandwich but I didn’t feel like bread at the time. I really wanted to try their clam chowder but it would have been cold by the time I ate it.
Normally I would have went on a good 6 or 7 mile hike but I drove right by the REDWOODS and headed for home. I did stop by the ROUGH AND READY WAYSIDE to stretch my legs and eat my pasta salad.
PICNIC TABLE AT ROUGH AND READY WAYSIDE
The ROUGH AND READY WAYSIDE is located a bit past Cave Junction on the way to the California and Oregon coast.
ROUGH AND READY WAYSIDE TRAIL
This trail is perfect for plague victims, those needing a quick stretch of their legs and those in wheel chairs. It ends at another picnic table that I forgot to take a picture of.
THE SEASONAL RIVER
THERE ISN'T A LOT OF WATER BECAUSE THERE WASN'T A LOT OF SNOW THIS YEAR
While I was eating my wonderful pasta and telling the river my troubles. I noticed this hanging from a plant.
STRANGE GROWTH ON BRANCH
I wonder if it is from an insect or is it a fungus of some sort. Inquiring minds want to know!!!
OUT OF FOCUS CLOSE UP!
All of the above photos were taken with my aim and shoot digital Polaroid…I forgot my real camera and my back pack with my tape measure….I can’t complain because I don’t have to drop off my film at Costco.
My last two rolls were ruined one by water and the other by???
Here are real photos of the Rough and Ready wayside taken in the summer
ROUGH AND READY RIVER BED DURING THE SUMMER
ROUGH AND READY RIVER DURING THE SUMMER
It was about 115 degrees on the day I took these photos and while I brought water it was not enough and by the time I got home I was suffering from heat and dehydration. I couldn’t move the rest of the weekend. This is one of the reasons that I believe in Guardian Angels….I have been on many disasterous hikes usually due to my own stupidity and I always make it back! I don’t collapse until I am safe at home!!!
TANGLE RIDGE CANADIAN WHISKEY
I tried a new whiskey called TANGLE RIDGE. It is aged 10 years, Double Casked, Blended Canadian Whiskey.
For me personally I’m glad it was on sale because I certainly would not include it in my top 3 favorite Canadian Whiskies. But have no fear I will not let it go to waste.
For those of you who have drinking problems…stop. Alcoholism has done much harm to my family. Luckily it skips the women. Whiskey should be savored and enjoyed….not that I didn’t have a drunken episode in the last year! Not sure I want to tell THAT story…it was the first time in decades….
HMMM…THEN I’LL GO TO THE OFFICE AND BEHEAD MY WIFE
√ TAKE A SHOWER
√ GET DRESSED
√ BRUSH MY TEETH
√ EAT MY WHEATIES
√ READ THE PAPER
√ GO TO THE OFFICE
√ BEHEAD MY WIFE
I GUESS it makes perfect sense to some ….
On a serious note where the fuck did he learn that behavior? That would be an option???Never mind the religion….I know plenty of Muslims that would be horrified. This has got to be a family issue learned from childhood. Everything you do…every action you take is imprinted on your childs brain. If you allow your husband to disrespect you…abuse you, your daughters will most likely grow up to be abused and your sons to be abusers.
Talk is cheap your actions speak louder than words.
One time Oprah said something like BELIEVE SOMEONE THE FIRST TIME THEY SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. When I was young I used to put up with lots of mental bull shit from men because that is what was taught to me as a child. (probably dished some out too!) But once I had this boyfriend who had a temper tantrum in a grocery store which resulted in his knocking down an endcap of POP-TARTS. I was stunned and just turned around, walked out of the store and never saw him again. EVER! Oh the son of a bitch called but seriously if someone can’t control them selves in a fucking grocery store what will they do when you are alone???
I know its hard and we have been programmed to be needy that we have to be married to be “complete” but what about pride? Pride can be a good thing….especially when it comes to men…..I have had to unplug my phone and hide it from myself many times!!! Just so I would not be tempted to crawl after some loser. It’s a conscious decision. You will get used to it and then by the time you are my age. Your bull shit detector is loud and clear…..
Oh really your wife doesn’t understand you???? She doesn’t care if you fuck around???? Let’s call her up and ask her…Then.. THEN they have the nerve to think I’M A BITCH???
ALIENS RAINING DOWN IN INDIA…..I LOVE A GOOD CONSPIRACY THEORY!
Roswell, Sasquatch,crop circles, orbs…I want to believe in all of them! Of course I only want these things to be true if they are benevolent!!! We don’t need anything else that resembles us. I fear the country is already going to have a hard time surviving us.
My sister lived in Denver for a time and one time I flew in to see her. It had to have been at least 11 years ago. On the way to get my luggage I remember noticing the strange art on the wall. Murals filled with agony, it stuck in the back of my head. One day when we were bored at work we bought a bargain book of conspiracy theories to entertain us! We got a lot of laughs over it…One of the chapters was about the Denver Airport.
Murals of the apocalypse is an odd thing to have on your walls for your passengers to view before boarding a plane.
I lived in Pahrump, Nevada which is the other capital (besides Roswell) of conspiracy theories. That is where Art Bell lives. He used to host COAST TO COAST radio show which is all about conspiracy theories, the paranormal, UFO stuff…It is now hosted by George Noory. I haven’t listened to it in years but when I need to be entertained I get on their website and look at the photos submitted by people of things like ghosts and strange lights. I should submit mine but it looks like too much work!
But what got me on the subject this morning was this thing on red rain falling in India from EARTHFILES.
HOLY SHIT WE DONE HAVE ALIEN CELLS RAINING DOWN ON EARTH!!
But never quite believing EVERYTHING I read I Googled it. And here is a more “credible” source if you consider CNN to be a credible source.
So I got on the BBC……
WOW!!!!
HAUNTED…PISSED OFF ABOUT THE WHOLE ANNA MAE AQUASH THING
What a fucking mess!
This will be my last post on Anna Mae Aquash for awhile I need to do a lot more reading on the subject. Waiting for books from Amazon.
To be fair I have opposing views on the blog and a search of Anna Mae Aquash will direct you to those posts with links.
Here is the opinion of Anna Mae Aquash’s daughter Denise Pictou-Maloney.
No disrespect to her daughter but right away I would question some of her beliefs one being the assumption that the FBI had the investigation of Anna Mae Aquash’s death in HER best interest. I can assure you that while there may have been a few good FBI agents for every good one there were probably a hundred who DID NOT have her best interest at heart. Just take a look at just about ANY government agency or corporation.
CHECK THIS OUT FROM BLACK COMMENTATOR. I understand the comfort of LA LA LAND….I would prefer to live there but reality keeps invading that happy happy place but we need to
WAKE THE FUCK UP!
Another point I would immediately question is the claim by the second pathologist that the first pathologist didn’t intentionally ignore the cause of death….Even residing in LA LA LAND I am aware that in general professional people will rarely contradict each other….it is career suicide. I know this from dealing with dentists and mechanics…Maybe this second pathologist was a one in a million…..odds are against it…
I’m not sure about this John Graham character or any of them for that matter……BUT WHERE ARE THE DEMANDS FOR THE FBI TO TAKE POLYGRAPHS??? That is where I would start. They are public officials SWORN TO UPHOLD THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES. THEY ARE PAID BY THE TAXPAYERS.
There is a reason that polygraphs are not allowed to be submitted as evidence in a court of law…..they are unreliable. I’m not sure that I would agree to one if you asked me if I was involved in the Jewish Holocaust during Hitler’s reign….. even though I wasn’t even born….I was raised Catholic…..I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!
In short I would not be surprised either way if John Graham was involved or not involved…because I do not know him and am new to this subject.
BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT HAD ME PISSED OFF THIS MORNING
Anna Mae Aquash was a mother.
I don’t care what race she was…..
SHE WAS A MOTHER!!!
SHE WAS A MOTHER!!!!
FBI? AIM?
SHE WAS KILLED BY A LOWLY,DESPICABLE, COWARD. YOU CANNOT GET MUCH LOWER THAN A MAN WHO WOULD KILL A WOMAN…WHO HAS CHILDREN.
My own Dad had good and bad points. I honestly work everyday at discarding the bad in my upbringing and keeping the good. It is the ONLY way the craziness of the world will change. Is if you change your own behavior.
My Dad’s mother died when he was a small boy
MY DAD PROBABLY A FEW YEARS BEFORE HIS MOTHER DIED
My Dad held a belief all through his life that mother’s were much more important than fathers.After his own mother passed away his father consoled himself with alcohol he abused his sons and told my Dad that he was the reason his mother died. (She died because of kidney failure exasperated by the strain of pregnancy but she knew the risks and chose to have my Dad.) My Dad blamed himself for the rest of his life.
There are rumors that my Dad’s father fell into the opium crowd and as a result he was sent to live with his grandparents in Montana for a few years.
My Dad brought us up to respect our mother at all times. You did not talk back to my mother even if you were right! My Dad had such a respect for mother’s that if you were a man that was not paying child support you were not welcome in our house. This included some of his relatives. In fact I would dare say that my Dad held men who didn’t pay child support in lower esteem than he held Indians. Sorry but he was NOT perfect.
I have to thank my Dad for instilling SOME good beliefs in my life. I had the confidence to not settle for just anyone and remain unmarried to this day. I have never been hit by a boyfriend….I have put up with all sorts of shit but not that kind of shit. That can be another post!!!
I fear I love men (and I do love them!) in the way wannabe Indians love Indians. The abstract version! The fantasy version and no I have not read a historical romance in 20 years!
What the hell did woman’s liberation do???
IT TAUGHT WOMEN TO BE ASHAMED OF BEING A GOOD MOTHER WHICH IN TURN TAUGHT MEN TO DISRESPECT THE WOMAN’S ROLE AS A MOTHER.(and we still don’t earn equal pay)
Let’s look at what today’s men expect woman to do in order to have the “privilege” of sucking their dick…the things women do to in order to crawl after these very men in order to have the “privilege” of sucking their dicks.
- Diet until you are a size zero.
- Do not have any stretch marks.
- Dye your hair. Preferably blond.
- Get breast implants.
- Inject collagen into your lips.
- Get rid of your pubic hair (what the hell is that about??? Do you want to fuck a 9 year old? I would be suspicious of any man who doesn’t like pubic hair, especially if I had a young daughter)
- Get implants in your cheeks.
- Have your eyes widened.
- Plastic surgery on your nose
- Bleach your asshole. Yes that is a new cosmetic procedure!
- Cosmetic surgery on your labia. For real! Never mind that it has tons of nerves that enable you to have orgasms. Some men don’t like the look of it!!!
After all of this is done your will be too old and will be traded in for a younger model. On top of that you will have taught your daughter that her self worth is only as a sex object.
IT DOES NOT END THERE BECAUSE IF A WOMAN DOES NOT CRAWL AFTER MEN WILLINGLY WE HAVE THIS:
a video game that allows players to gang rape women.
How fucking sick is that??? at least Amazon banned it.
Seriously there is a whole generation of men who see women as nothing but a bunch of FUCKHOLES.
IF THERE WERE NO WOMEN THEY WOULD FUCK CHILDREN, DOGS, SHEEP, PIGS, CHICKENS…A KNOT HOLE IN A PIECE OF WOOD….hurry up this is what women crawl after. These are the same men who go to Mexico to watch donkey shows.
My guess is that just about EVERY man associated with Anna Mae Aquash failed her for various reasons.
FBI, AIM wives….IF YOU ARE MARRIED TO THE MAN WHO KILLED ANNA MAE AQUASH AND YOU KNOW IT…YOU ARE JUST AS GUILTY AND DESPICABLE FOR NOT COMING FORWARD AND ALLOWING THAT MAN’S PENIS IN YOUR VAGINA.
ANOTHER MYSTERIOUS PHOTO
My neice Jasmine was visiting me a few days ago and was interested in my “ORB” photo. I told her I had others that were strange but there is one in particular that I took last year that sort of freaked me out. But then I couldn’t find it on the computer…finally she figured out that I had deleted it but luckily I am computer illiterate and didn’t know that you had to empty your waste basket after you deleted pictures so….I clicked it out of the trash.
I don't know that this what you call an ORB
Jasmine was a bit freaked out and it scared her. Nothing about it scares me I am simply curious about it….My brother says it is my thumb in front of the lens but I when I tried taking a photo with my thumb in front of the lens it was orange.
I have a few more but I need to find and scan them. One in particular was taken during the Bush inauguration parade four years ago.
PLEASE CHECK OUT MY NEW VIDEO LIBRARY ON THE SIDEBAR IT IS DEDICATED TO ANNA MAE AQUASH
Please check out some or all of these videos.
Some of them are a bit long but it is a complicated story I suggest viewing them one a day. They will be up for awhile!
FOR MY SISTER WARNING….ELVIS SINGS EXPLICIT LYRICS
I guess because I have listened to Elvis since my childhood….I’m still shocked to hear Elvis say motherfucker
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