ANATOMY OF A THREAT 3/MY VIEW OF ABUSERS

Someone e-mailed me the other day suggesting that no one is warning the public about Bernard Red Cherries being a danger to women. I take any suggestions and  input seriously and did think about it. Should I put up some headline with a photo?? (I will put the link to his photo on the sidebar with other information for now you can find it on the previous post on this subject.)  I’m really not trying to make a pariah of him…and these posts are not really about him. They are about the threats surrounding the issue and who the people are and why would so many adult men be up in arms defending child abuse to the point of threatening to harm women and children.

Obviously The Johnsons felt sufficiently frightened to delete all of their posts.

There is a shared responsibility in an abusive relationship. I do not have a popular opinion on abusive relationships. I have witnessed far too many of my female friends choose to stay in relationships when they had an easy out. Not all men who hit their wives do it because they are psychotic. It is was promoted and encouraged not to many years ago.

This is not the sixties or seventies though, it is 2009. The first time a man hits you it is his fault the second, third, fourth, fifth time? Women share an equal responsibility. In Oregon if you hit your spouse in front of your children it’s a felony. FELONY. If you are allowing your child to be abused by a spouse in many instances you are charged also. YOU ARE AN ADULT AND YOU ARE A PARENT. IT IS YOUR JOB TO RAISE AND PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. SET AN EXAMPLE!

Children are the only innocents in the case of abuse…excepting instances where a spouse is locked up and chained. Even though we hear horrific stories about stalking and kidnapping  that is not the typical profile of an abuser. Women need to stop seeing them selves as less than men, and as equals. Women should never portray themselves as victims.

I was dating a man once and he was in a bad mood…got pissed off at me and knocked over one of those stacks of Pot-tarts on an end- cap in a grocery store…I walked out and never saw him again. Of course he called said he was sorry….yada, yada, yada and I was tempted its how we were raised we need men to be complete….bullshit. Unplug your phone and put it outside. Have some pride and dignity! That was the closest I have ever come to being hit by a man. As Oprah says you teach people how to treat you.

In this millenium you should not have children until you are adult enough to do right by them, protect them from abuse or witnessing it. I have a niece whose husband beats the crap out of her. The last time they charged him with a felony and there is a restraining order against him so he is not allowed to be around her or his children. He has on multiple occasions had sex with other women and one was underage. He moved in with another woman until she threw him out…and what did my niece do?She lets him move back in and hides him from the police. Actually the police know…it’s a small town but they get sick and tired of the on again off again…. She lives with her mother and her mother fully supports this. Now my niece is having another baby…#4 by this abuser. He doesn’t have a job either. She defends him with every bone in her body and puts him above her children. Children who observe their parents being disrespected or abused will grow up with a warped sense of what love is. There is no abuse, mental or physical in love.

In the state of Oregon there is WIC, free college, almost free rent, free day care….NO EXCUSE NOT TO LEAVE.

I imagine that the Indian reservations are behind the times because the UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT does not provide the medical, educational, and nutritional needs that they are supposed to. The statistics of abuse of Indian women are horrific.

Equally appalling is that the daughter of Bernard Red Cherries has come out publicly stating that she was abused by her father and still the Red Cherries cheerleaders continue to ignore her and CHOOSE to give unconditional and unquestioning support of him. (Reminds me of some government agents in the Anna Mae posts I also write!!)

His daughter does not seem to be a drama queen teen intent on “getting her father in trouble”, she is a beautiful young mother with a beautiful little boy and I hope that by speaking out she has broken the cycle of abuse that in most cases is passed on from generation to generation. I truly hope that her days are bursting with all of the  joy and pride that this courageous young woman  deserves.

Abuse is passed on from generation to generation I have had to make the phone call on members of my own family and not have them talk to me for years….only to have them thank me later.

YOUR POPULARITY SHOULD NOT BE A CONSIDERATION WHEN DEALING WITH ISSUES CONCERNING CHILD ABUSE. Child abuse should reported no matter the race or sex…..IT IS NOT A FAMILY ISSUE. It is not an issue of race or gender it is an issue for the entire community and the entire community should be involved. Why people insist on clinging to this notion from the 18th century….get  with the times people.

Unfortunately too many times abusive males seem to have no end in their supply of women who are more than willing to defend and crawl after them….If a man ever disparages his last girlfriend or wife I won’t date him again. How a man treated his last mate is probably how you will be treated eventually. There are many men who overcome abuse through counseling but denial, blame and hiding is the first indication that you have not dealt with it. Abusing women and children is sort of like being a heroin addict rarely does one overcome it the first time that they try.

Some men will stop the physical abuse out of fear only to up the campaign of mental abuse. Believe me having been the recipient of many forms of abuse the mental crap is by far the most damaging-the most difficult to overcome.

Having said that as a society we need to stop the nonsense that boys are not abused. Most men that are abusers were abused as children or watched their mothers being abused and that is the example that was taught them by their parents. Most people learn how to interact with their mates by following their parents example. Very few mothers and fathers love their children more than they love their fear of being alone….their fear of looking in that dark place and discovering why you choose to allow yourself to be abused or why you choose to abuse. One behavior is no better than the other.

We assume that boys are not as affected by abuse and expect them to be stoic, not cry or complain. Plus they have the added obstacle of testosterone when it come to overcoming abuse. Men are genetically more disposed to be more successful (probably not the right word) at abusing…NOT SAYING THAT MEN  HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR ABUSING…NOR DO WOMEN HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR STAYING (unless physically restrained). It is the same behavior on opposite sides of the spectrum.

LIZZY’S CRITERIA FOR DATING MEN.

YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH YOU MOTHER.

YOU NEED TO HAVE A JOB PREFERABLY ONE THAT YOU LIKE. I don’t care how much you make but you better stay employed.

DO NOT INSULT, DISPARAGE OR OTHERWISE TALK BAD ABOUT YOUR PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. I don’t care if she ran up your credit card….you didn’t mind when you were getting laid…and YOU picked her.

I WILL DO A CRIMINAL SEARCH ON YOU. I do believe that people change but depending on the crime you damn well better have been in some serious therapy. I have never dated a criminal so I’m really not sure of what my standards…Actually I have dated criminals…they just had not got caught yet.

NO RACISM OF ANY KIND.

CAUGHT LYING??? and you try to do the “it’s in your imagination bullshit” You are history.

YOU NEVER EVER EVER DISRESPECT, OR CALL ME NAMES, ANY AND I MEAN ANY FORM OF ABUSE AND YOU ARE GONE….HISTORY…NO SECOND CHANCES! My exception to that is to stop dating you for a year while you get counseling…since you claim to love me ever so much…funny how they never rise to the occasion!!! Talk is cheap!

I once dated this guy who was funny and smart but one night we were watching a movie with one of his friends and he made a comment about how the movie was portraying women different than reality. “Women are not as smart and as capable as men”….last time I saw him….and I really did like him. But he wasn’t joking and I am the type of person who loves my vagina so much that I could never allow someone who disrespected me or for whom I lost respect to get anywhere near it. Physically I cannot do it. Sometimes I look at women and the men who fuck them and wonder how in God’s name they could ever let their penis in their vagina…SEX IS SACRED AND INTIMATE….and you can buy perfectly good vibrators from Adam and Eve.

There is my warning for women dating abusive men. Tomorrow I will have a lot to say about the people jumping on the protect the abuser bandwagon.