ON ELEPHANTS, BUNNIES AND MONICA CHARLES

I saw this a few weeks ago and bookmarked it because it made me cry. Reminds me of Monica Charles.

I wonder why for the most part we empathize more with animals than with humans. Cry over the distress of elephants but for the most part are not even able to recognize the distress of our own species. Of course Monica may not want to include whites as the same species as Indians!!….but we disagree on a lot of things…we just do it respectfully. Personally I wonder that same race sexual encounters should be allowed to take place…skin color hurts too many people and in a few generations we could all be one color! But then we would just find something else to argue about, criticize each other, tear our souls apart. At the end of the day has anyone “won”? And if you do does it end there? Most victories are short lived and we become consumed with finding another enemy.

I get glimpses of a different way of thinking from knowing Monica. Her silences speak louder than her words. I am familiar with many stereotypes about white people as a courtesy of diverse friends I have had through out my life. But the stereotype of whites desecrating the ancestors of Indians is new to me. I do respect the Indian point of view…it is what they were raised with just as I was raised with my point of view. But I don’t necessarily think that I am right.

Monica believes that her ancestors are disturbed when their bones are unearthed, as if their spirits still reside within their graves. I believe in reincarnation…who cares about the bones? Study them …how did they live? who were they? How did they die? What did they eat? What was the fashion of the day?

Normally I don’t share my e-mails with people and forgive me Monica for doing so now…Monica posted a story about her a hostage situation on facebook and the article had quotes from her tribal chairwoman and police chief…they both had the last name of Charles so I e-mailed her and asked her if they were relatives. She wrote back two sentences…they are cousins with different political beliefs and that tribes are big extended families. I know nothing of tribes I like the little boxes that genealogy creates…sort of like the little boxes  government  creates. Not because I believe in them but because I am used to them. I feel disoriented at times without them. I do think that white people need to change the way they think we want absolute answers but maybe that is just me. Maybe I do not represent the typical white person. I do have the ability to override my grasping instincts and the perfect example is my bunny that I adopted a few years ago.

VERY SPOILED BUNNY

This poor bunny was terrified when I first brought her home but I just left her alone and she  hid under the bed for a day and only came out to use the litterbox. Eventually she got used to me and would come up to me and let me pet her. Eventually she became spoiled and demanding…would jump right up and demand I pet her. That 425 dollar Laura Ashley comforter set she is lying on ended up full of holes…that is what bunnies do chew chew chew. I bought her a giant cage but never had the heart to put her in it. I ended up using it if workmen came in the house to do repairs. I wouldn’t want to be in a cage all day.

I had a friend that wanted a bunny and so her husband bought her one. The minute she got it she wanted to hug it the way you can a puppy but of course the bunny hated it and scratched her…so she gave the bunny away. Bunnies are worse than cats that way…you have to earn their trust. In order to make friends with a bunny you need to let it be a bunny. You can’t have a bunny and wish it was a dog or a cat.

My bunny got a lump on the side of her face and had surgery…it helped for awhile but she had some incurable bunny disease and only lived another six months. She died sleeping in my arms and I still cry about it!

BUNNY'S GRAVE

I cried and cried and cried when my bunny died…every time I clean her grave I cry and cry and cry.

Last year when I was cleaning her grave I wrote this:

My bunny’s grave is more elaborate than

My Father’s

My Father

does not have a grave.

He rests in a box in

my Mother’s closet.

I’m not upset by this…it just struck me that I sort of mourn the loss of my bunny more than I do my own Father. That may not be accurate I think of my Dad a lot more but the feelings are complex…does anyone receive unconditional love from their parents?…More like unconditional criticism!!!

MY DAD BUILDING OUR CABIN IN OREGON AND ME AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LADDER(not sure what the hell I was wearing there...Long underwear?)

My mother also has one of her dogs in the closet….maybe I should start worrying that she is becoming a collector. Another thought I have is that if I want something specific done with my body the only person I will trust to follow through is Monica Charles….although I imagine that upon reading this she has already started packing her bags and is considering colonizing another country herself! (I wouldn’t really do that to you Monica) Seriously though I have been thinking about this issue for awhile now. It’s not easy changing ones thinking and habits. And some times I am so stuck in my ways that I cannot imagine that I am wrong.

By the way here is the most recent photo of my mother.

MY MOM AT VALLEY OF FIRE

Monica has me thinking about the colonizer stuff too. I have never encountered or contemplated the whole colonizer aspect of America. I heard it first from Sherman Alexie I had picked up his book FLIGHT at Costco for one of my young relatives in a youth correctional facility. I read it and then bought his other stuff. I have had many friends from all countries but in reality they too are colonizers. I’m not sure what to call African Americans. I knew we had an alternative history when it came to slavery but I didn’t get the alternative history concerning Native Americans and Colonizers. I have many mixed feeling and thoughts as I explore my head…I try to be cautious and considerate of Native Americans beliefs. I think it is hard to know where the lines are and I know I have crossed them several times. For that I apologize for any offense.

I understand why white people avoid and dismiss Native American issues, they are of a slippery sort; a world that is not composed of neat little boxes all in rows by size and color. We want all Indians to fit into the pretty little Indian box we have created for them! On top of that Indians believe in a world unseen. I have encountered the world of spirits that Monica believes in with such ease. Like a world with ghosts, alien abductions and spirits are a part of everyday life. In my world such experiences are to be ridiculed…one must never speak of such things and such things. I am the crazy sister, aunt, daughter and niece that believes in God, angels, ufo’s, ghosts and orbs!

I’m sure there will be a part 2 and 3 to this sometime in the near future