CRACKED ON TIGER WOODS
One of the funniest things I have read on Woods….
Good afternoon, members of the Press, Friends, Family, President of the Nike Corporation, CEO of Buick, Mom and fans across the world. I come before you today to answer for my actions, and I plan on doing that. I want to first thank you all for coming and supporting me during this, for the sake of argument, “difficult” time. All of your letters of encouragement have been very comforting, I guess.
I know all the parts that we’re supposed to play. You’re all doing an excellent job of being absolutely mortified that I’m human, and I’m supposed to come out and talk about how confused and profoundly damaged I must be. But instead of all that, I’d like to, for once, talk about an adult situation like an adult to a bunch of other adults. Hopefully, by the end of my speech, you’ll understand why I did what I did, and we’ll all be able to move passed this.
I’m Tiger Woods
Think about that. Really let it sink in. You know who I am even if you probably can’t name a single other golfer (athletes/actors-turned golfers and Greg Norman don’t count). I am Tiger Woods. It takes giant balls to say to your friends one day, “Hey, from now on my name is ‘Tiger’” and actually pull it off. And I did, because I have ‘em.
There are people out there, men, who say they would never do what I did. I appreciate your display of what you think is honor and integrity, but I’m going to be straight with you: You cannot make that claim until you’ve lived like Tiger Woods for a few months. And, brother, you have not. I am the only person on this planet who knows what it’s like to be Tiger Woods. It is a hard, lonely and, yes, ass-filled world. You might think you see temptation from coworkers, or friends or ex-girlfriends, and you may have resisted them all. But being Tiger Woods enters you into a brand new world of temptation, things you couldn’t even imagine. I’m the captain of the football team of the universe.
I can’t stress how easy these women make incognito fucking. I’ll find them waiting in my hotel room, already in my bed and swearing they’ll never tell anyone about this and they’ll be gone in the morning. A naked chick, in my bed, saying, “No one will find out, I just want to have sex with you one time and then I’ll be on my way.” You can’t even imagine a scenario where that happens for you, and it happens to me multiple times a day. Women break into my limo while it’s moving and try to have sex with me. Have you ever tried to push a half-naked 19-year-old out of the sun roof of a moving limousine? Of course you haven’t. One time on the course I reached into the hole to retrieve my ball and there was a titty in there. I still don’t know how she got in there, she must’ve been waiting underground for days. I mean, how did she even breathe?
FINISH READING AT CRACKED!
WHAT A MINUTE AND 35 SECONDS DID FOR THE CHEYENNE RIVER INDIAN RESERVATION
More at STELLAR HEALING
Thank you Ordinary Sparrow!!!
TOTEM POLES
The thing about photographing totem poles is that the sun has to be in just the right spot…see the rest at STELLAR HEALING.
KLAMATH LAKE TREES AND REFLECTIONS
I’m pretty sure this is a weeping fir tree….rather than weeping they always cause me to laugh! I like their needle clusters like natures polka-dots….
reflections of the houses that line the “bay”
Here is my reflection leaning over the rail…
It was so good to see all of the blue!!!
RAIN AND SMOKE
I have been neglecting the blog for the last two weeks due to work deadlines and travel….two days ago the weather started clearing and the blue skies once again graced the skies!! I know I have been whining about the dreary weather but even during previous winters the skies would brighten even if it was cold with lots of snow in the mountains. Maybe its not accurate but I swear that the last month and a half has just been dreary fog and rain dark clouds and drizzle….and drizzle and drizzle. One day it was so bad that my eye caught this little moss colony growing around a cement parking barrier…the bright green was the most color I had noticed in weeks…I could just imagine shrinking tearing off my clothes and rolling around in the moss surrounded by at least one color…
Then I was off to the coast where it rained nonstop with lots of wind….when I was leaving the hotel the next morning a lake had formed around my car and I had my negative heel shoes on…..barely a sole….I debated just taking off my socks and shoes but it was raining and I hadn’t even had a cup of coffee yet…MORE WHINING!!! So I resorted to some acrobatics getting in leaving my luggage on an island of pavement 10 feet away (I had to use the zoom to get the closeup) In the process I once again pulled my shoulder muscle that has been giving me fits for almost the entire year…
more dark sky and trees…. this is in the middle of the day not evening
The skies cleared when I went to California the middle of potato country where I was entertained by an old rancher in his cowboy boots, jeans and ten gallon hat. He was giving his commentary on the governments conservative but without racism and much humor…highly entertaining one of the complaints he had was that the government banned burning due to the bad air quality in the little town on the California border….and yet the same government had no problem setting a controlled fire of eighty acres near town. When I departed the coffee shop I saw what he was talking about.
Of course I thought it was beautiful….
tomorrow I will put up pictures of blue sky!!
1938 Dating Guide For Single Women
I found this on digg….
Apparently, the only keys to successful dating in the 1930’s for ladies were don’t talk too much, wear a bra, and don’t pass out in the middle of your date because you’re drunk.
LIZZY’S NEW ART SITE
It still needs A LOT of work but I think it is actually almost to the halfway point…but I could be having an overly optimistic morning!!!
ART, PHOTOGRAPHY, QUILTS BY LIZZY the quilts aren’t up yet either….
FILM
The weather this winter while not extreme was much worse than previous years and I haven’t had the occasion to take any trips or go on hikes in the last few months….the last two days I was on the coast and I don’t mind hiking in the rain but the wind was blowing 40 miles an hour and I do mind that……and while there wasn’t a lot of snow accumulation in the mountains the roads were much worse….don’t mind driving on packed snow…but it seems that every time I went to Klamath this winter the roads were quite dangerous and I saw more accidents than I have seen in my previous three years combined. So I have an odd roll of film from this winter that I developed last week
The autumn colors are from around Klamath Lake
I can’t remember where I took this of the trees silhouettes….but probably on the way to Klamath before heading over the mountains…
My friend Gabrielle…she and her husband own the Hampton Rock Shop…this was taken outside as they were putting up Christmas lights….and now its almost Valentines Day!!!
Christmas lights!!!
Mt. Shasta from the distance of some potato farm or ranch near Malin….Oregon…had to look that up its so close to the California border.
And last but certaintly not least Klamath Lake
BODIE
Bodie is an old mining ghost town in the California Sierras…I loved it and it has been the inspiration for a few paintings
ODDS AND ENDS FROM JANUARY
Wolf Creek Tavern in Wolf Creek Oregon
Klamath Lake, roadside graffiti, and the ridgeline that runs along Klamath Lake
Gas Station in Medford at night…
ON SECOND THOUGHT MAYBE THE INDIANS HAVE IT RIGHT ABOUT COLONIZERS DISAPPEARING
Story at STELLAR HEALING
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